Wednesday, February 12, 2014

I should want to be more like my mother, not the opposite.

Today I spent time with my Mom. I actually stood next to her and felt, maybe that I belonged there. MY mother and I are estranged, but neither of us want to admit it. She gives me looks that make me swallow my pride and shiver from the wave of disappointment her eyes shone on me.
My mom is very independent, she keeps to herself emotionally. A bit blocked off and I honestly don't think she enjoys getting deep down and mushy, she's not really good at it. I get that trait from her. I'm more quite than loud. I can spend days alone, that doesn't mean I won't be miserable and going on Omegle with my common interest as 'lonely' though. ( Hellllooo, Perves) I enjoy the night, like right now writing unexpectedly . . .
My mom is ambitious. She starts more projects than she can complete, and she aims higher than you can see. I definitely get that from her. It's a trait I come to love along with bossiness.
Another point to make is my mom is a confident christian woman. She has her days, however where i grit my teeth when she spews curse words. But my mother keeps her held high and quotes bible verses, something I've come to love, and hate.

My mom and I being so alike, usually don't see eye-to-eye as I'm sporting into my teen years. Ut today as I was walking beside her tonight doing leisure exercise. She spoke and said somethings that hit home. Like she took off her mask for a moment and I was compelled to respond. To cry, and tell her my pain. Tell how glad I was to see the maternal side of her. But I'm not confident, and I din't want to see one of my Mother's looks as I started crying. I also didn't want to cringe when my mom says all the wrong things.
I have to see that my mom is human just like me. That she doesn't have a built in manual of being perfect. God, how I wish she did, though.

She holds her head up high,
It's tilting to the sky,
I'm certain she doesn't see me,
I happen to be a bit too far behind.

I often find her looking at me,
looking through me,
beneath me,
above me,
all around me,
but she doesn't see anything,
I think.

She can hold my hand,
grasp my shoulders,
I hope she'll do it now,
not when I'm older.

She'll say the wrong things,
I'm destined to be,
She say what she wants to say,
because she's above me.

I'm trying to catch up,
but she's walking to fast,
setting a brisk pace,
does she know I might not last?

I'm identical to her,
yet so apart.
I want her to hold me close,
closer to her heart.

I need to be able to open,
open up to sound,
What shall I say that can please ' the frown '

I'm going to wrap this all up,
just say what the what,
this pains for another day,
the sorrow can say goodbye,
I want to just be with my mother,
no matter how shy,
no matter how closed,
and severed.
This will not be the end because my Mother and I are severed.

Smiley Face,


  1. That's a beautiful poem! It's very honest, and I think a lot of people (teenagers, at least) can relate to that severed feeling between them and their parents. I know I can. Thanks for sharing :)

  2. lovely :)


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