Monday, September 8, 2014

Maybe ... Just Maybe I Enjoy My Sadness

The title seems just completely insane! Who would enjoy sadness... who would crave that euphoric feeling of self-loathing? Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe some doctor needs to take a microscope to my brain.. but I miss it.
I miss being depressed and spending all my time on tumblr looking at pathetic quotes. Maybe I enjoyed being locked up inside myself... suffocating, slowly drifting away. I miss listening to Screamo and really feeling it ...
Or maybe.
Just maybe I miss him.
I miss that stupid sad boy I spent months with. That one guy who understood my pain for all its complexity and then some. I miss him so much! I'd take my sadness, pain, depression, self-inflicted wounds just to have a real conversation with him again. He's not dead... but he's gone. With time even good things go away. So what if.
Just throwing this out there.
What if I went back there ... and found him again. Found the only boy my soul truly craves for right about now..

Kiss me hard on my lips.
Not a soft sultry peck,
But a kiss that swoops in a takes my existence away.
But don't touch me
Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I know I want you.
I want you for all that you are.
I want you baggage, 
Packed away and sent to my doorstep
If that's what it takes to be with you.
But don't touch me.
Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I don't even truly feel that way.
I don;t really need you to help me survive.
I don;t need to take in every word you say
And I definetly don't crave your hugs
Like I crave worrying over everything you are
So don't touch me
Because I wan't to be alone

Why is it that time decides?
Why does it make the last call
On who I want to be
Who I have to be
What I get to do
And whether or not I'll be able to spend some time with you
So don't touch me 
Because I need to be alone.

It's like your everywhere
You stamped your existence on everything that's left
I know you had to have left something behind
It;s not just me
I'm not the only one feeling this way
Or am I?
So just don't touch me
Because I have to move on



I like poems that rhyme ...
that didn't it was just a spur of emotions coming together and forming sentences
It;s a bit rubbish,,,
And Messy
But it;s make sense because that's sort of how I'm feeling right now;
I think

I'm really not sure about what this post means... and i think i might just be okay with that

1 comment:

  1. this is amazing. I believe without sadness there is no happiness because you wouldn't know what it is to be happy without the bad times

    ReplyDelete

I'd love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to let it all out in the comment section. Do remember that there's a difference with being rude and being honest :)