Monday, September 8, 2014

Maybe ... Just Maybe I Enjoy My Sadness

The title seems just completely insane! Who would enjoy sadness... who would crave that euphoric feeling of self-loathing? Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe some doctor needs to take a microscope to my brain.. but I miss it.
I miss being depressed and spending all my time on tumblr looking at pathetic quotes. Maybe I enjoyed being locked up inside myself... suffocating, slowly drifting away. I miss listening to Screamo and really feeling it ...
Or maybe.
Just maybe I miss him.
I miss that stupid sad boy I spent months with. That one guy who understood my pain for all its complexity and then some. I miss him so much! I'd take my sadness, pain, depression, self-inflicted wounds just to have a real conversation with him again. He's not dead... but he's gone. With time even good things go away. So what if.
Just throwing this out there.
What if I went back there ... and found him again. Found the only boy my soul truly craves for right about now..

Kiss me hard on my lips.
Not a soft sultry peck,
But a kiss that swoops in a takes my existence away.
But don't touch me
Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I know I want you.
I want you for all that you are.
I want you baggage, 
Packed away and sent to my doorstep
If that's what it takes to be with you.
But don't touch me.
Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I don't even truly feel that way.
I don;t really need you to help me survive.
I don;t need to take in every word you say
And I definetly don't crave your hugs
Like I crave worrying over everything you are
So don't touch me
Because I wan't to be alone

Why is it that time decides?
Why does it make the last call
On who I want to be
Who I have to be
What I get to do
And whether or not I'll be able to spend some time with you
So don't touch me 
Because I need to be alone.

It's like your everywhere
You stamped your existence on everything that's left
I know you had to have left something behind
It;s not just me
I'm not the only one feeling this way
Or am I?
So just don't touch me
Because I have to move on

I like poems that rhyme ...
that didn't it was just a spur of emotions coming together and forming sentences
It;s a bit rubbish,,,
And Messy
But it;s make sense because that's sort of how I'm feeling right now;
I think

I'm really not sure about what this post means... and i think i might just be okay with that

1 comment:

  1. this is amazing. I believe without sadness there is no happiness because you wouldn't know what it is to be happy without the bad times


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