Maybe ... Just Maybe I Enjoy My Sadness

The title seems just completely insane! Who would enjoy sadness... who would crave that euphoric feeling of self-loathing? Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe some doctor needs to take a microscope to my brain.. but I miss it.

I miss being depressed and spending all my time on tumblr looking at pathetic quotes. Maybe I enjoyed being locked up inside myself... suffocating, slowly drifting away. I miss listening to Screamo and really feeling it ...

Or maybe.

Just maybe I miss him.

I miss that stupid sad boy I spent months with. That one guy who understood my pain for all its complexity and then some. I miss him so much! I'd take my sadness, pain, depression, self-inflicted wounds just to have a real conversation with him again. He's not dead... but he's gone. With time even good things go away. So what if.

Just throwing this out there.

What if I went back there ... and found him again. Found the only boy my soul truly craves for right about now..

Kiss me hard on my lips.

Not a soft sultry peck,

But a kiss that swoops in a takes my existence away.

But don't touch me

Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I know I want you.

I want you for all that you are.

I want you baggage, 

Packed away and sent to my doorstep

If that's what it takes to be with you.

But don't touch me.

Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I don't even truly feel that way.

I don;t really need you to help me survive.

I don;t need to take in every word you say

And I definetly don't crave your hugs

Like I crave worrying over everything you are

So don't touch me

Because I wan't to be alone

Why is it that time decides?

Why does it make the last call

On who I want to be

Who I have to be

What I get to do

And whether or not I'll be able to spend some time with you

So don't touch me 

Because I need to be alone.

It's like your everywhere

You stamped your existence on everything that's left

I know you had to have left something behind

It;s not just me

I'm not the only one feeling this way

Or am I?

So just don't touch me

Because I have to move on

I like poems that rhyme ...

that didn't it was just a spur of emotions coming together and forming sentences

It;s a bit rubbish,,,

And Messy

But it;s make sense because that's sort of how I'm feeling right now;

I think

I'm really not sure about what this post means... and i think i might just be okay with that

I revel in the...

I revel in the sound of thunder,
smile wide and forget im under.

I revel in the sound of rain,
creating small polka dots, that'll soon fade away.

I revel in the color the weather brings,
the fashion, the laughter in a gloomy scene.

I revel in the carelessness,
when things are unnecessary, a vacation a simple bliss.

I revel in the thought of rolling my windows down,
getting that cool, yet warm breeze greet your face, hold you down ;)

I revel in the humidity,
Breath it in, long suffocating cottony breaths.

I revel in the smell the earth seems to agree,
the pumpkin,the warm fire, the serene taste that's not so green.

Follow me, look through my eyes and I'm pretty sure you'll love Autumn, too

Smiley Face,

Ony

- Ahh! I'm pretty proud of this post! I've been nagging myselft to do an autmn post, but them i was telling myself poetry! Write poetry! I'm not really that good at it, but I'm getting better, perhaps? Love you, all! And the internet support group tab is now up! Visit? And if you have not visit my other tabs, click away :)

- Also, I've been really enjoying doing Ask Ony's, I think the lats one i did went really well! SO if you have any wuestions drop them off in the internet support froup tab, and I'll surely answer them right away!

One more thing, you've probaly noticed that this blog is getting a tab bit inactive it's because I've been drowning in school, and all the time i have left over i blog at my collaboration blog go visit! -->http://joallapcollab.blogspot.com/

Im at the bottom, again.

My emotions come in a tsunami,
Physically knocking me down.
It starts off as a silent trickle down my face.
To an onpour of waves crashing towards me.

I bury my face, in warmth
And reassure myself it'll end
All the while caressing it like a lover, who's found its way into my arms again.

Taking an inch forward
Coming in terms with reality.
I'm forced to take another mile back.
Its not done.

It might look like nothing's going on.
As my eyes glisten
And I show my pearly whites.
But I am dieing, inside a little more each day.

It doesn't leave, it resides in my mind
Takes long trips to the outer side.
I beg for a vacation.

Another entry from my diary. Poetry will always be a life saver. Take all those emotion and put them into words. :)

Anywho, HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, to my fellow Americans who celebrate it. And to you all Have a GREAT DAY

-ONY

Do you see it?

I'm looking at him with those eyes
Waiting for him to show resignation
Show me he sees something.
Something pretty
Something grand
Something special

He's not looking back
He's not in the right league,
So why does it matter
It doesn't mater
I just want him to show me he sees something.
Something pretty
Something grand
Something special

I'm feeling pretty today
Am I radiating
Will they finally say Im pretty
Does he see something
Something pretty
Something grand
Something special

I'm pounding at myself
I'm being pathetic
But I can't stop
He NEEDS to think
I'm pretty
I'm grand
I'm special

But what do I do
If he sees what I want him to
His opinion should be irrelevant

But if he see something
I'll see something

What should I do, What should i do

The words repeat over & over
Now that I'm sure
he knew what he said
He's acting out on it
No hesitation
What Should I do, What should i do

My mind goes numb
As my mouth starts spewing venom
I lost it
I'm making it worse
STOP!
What should I do, What should I do

The others stand by
Knowing not to interfere
But I want them to
These words began to lace with my fear
What should I do, What should i do

He walks away
Because Alphas can
I'm not so dominant
The door is jammed

This will repeat 'till another day
But then
What would you do, What would you say

A ________ That's exactly what you are

I feel a little unsure about posting this poem directly from my diary, but your best work is the one close to your heart,right?

He hurts me constantly
Does he even know?
My friends thinks its normal
But I'm not really sure

He says somethings cruel
Things ladies should never say
But he's not a lady so I guess
Its ok....

My heart screams constantly
But my mouth stays shut
My heart is aching for a _______ I could trust

Yes, I know im quiet
But can't you see me tears?
Oh,wait your not looking
To comfort mmy fears

Your just my ______
That's exactly what you are.

That's why I hate myself for thinking you are more.