Maybe ... Just Maybe I Enjoy My Sadness

The title seems just completely insane! Who would enjoy sadness... who would crave that euphoric feeling of self-loathing? Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe some doctor needs to take a microscope to my brain.. but I miss it.

I miss being depressed and spending all my time on tumblr looking at pathetic quotes. Maybe I enjoyed being locked up inside myself... suffocating, slowly drifting away. I miss listening to Screamo and really feeling it ...

Or maybe.

Just maybe I miss him.

I miss that stupid sad boy I spent months with. That one guy who understood my pain for all its complexity and then some. I miss him so much! I'd take my sadness, pain, depression, self-inflicted wounds just to have a real conversation with him again. He's not dead... but he's gone. With time even good things go away. So what if.

Just throwing this out there.

What if I went back there ... and found him again. Found the only boy my soul truly craves for right about now..

Kiss me hard on my lips.

Not a soft sultry peck,

But a kiss that swoops in a takes my existence away.

But don't touch me

Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I know I want you.

I want you for all that you are.

I want you baggage, 

Packed away and sent to my doorstep

If that's what it takes to be with you.

But don't touch me.

Because I can't trust who I am right now.

I don't even truly feel that way.

I don;t really need you to help me survive.

I don;t need to take in every word you say

And I definetly don't crave your hugs

Like I crave worrying over everything you are

So don't touch me

Because I wan't to be alone

Why is it that time decides?

Why does it make the last call

On who I want to be

Who I have to be

What I get to do

And whether or not I'll be able to spend some time with you

So don't touch me 

Because I need to be alone.

It's like your everywhere

You stamped your existence on everything that's left

I know you had to have left something behind

It;s not just me

I'm not the only one feeling this way

Or am I?

So just don't touch me

Because I have to move on

I like poems that rhyme ...

that didn't it was just a spur of emotions coming together and forming sentences

It;s a bit rubbish,,,

And Messy

But it;s make sense because that's sort of how I'm feeling right now;

I think

I'm really not sure about what this post means... and i think i might just be okay with that